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I get SO many questions about standards in early-stage dating every week…
How do you set standards?
How do you know if your standards are too high, too low, or are scaring people away?
How do you communicate your standards in a kind and honest way?
What if all of my standards are fulfilled by someone except one important one?
To answer some of these questions, this week I take a real woman’s story and give 3 practical techniques for solving it that I think you’re going to find really valuable.
If you struggle too much inside your head when you like someone, especially if it doesn’t feel like it’s quite going your way, this video is going to help you make sense of things…
Also, we are finishing this year with a bang. As you know, I just released my brand new program The Momentum Texts (thank you to all of you who got your copy, and for the incredible early feedback). Well, to add one more surprise, at the end of this new video I announce something many of you have been waiting for in the last few weeks. I’ll see you there to tell you about it.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
i was recently on australian tv via zoom
00:03
and there was a woman that her story was
00:06
essentially that she’d been on three
00:08
dates with a guy
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on the second date she brought up the
00:12
fact that he didn’t seem to banter with
00:14
her much
00:15
between dates now she brought this up
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because she said
00:18
this is really important to me i you
00:20
know i i know i love being able to
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banter with someone and when someone
00:24
doesn’t give me much of that
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it’s like i’m not having something that
00:28
i know is a big thing for me
00:30
so she mentioned it to him she said it
00:33
didn’t really change after that
00:35
not only that but after the third date
00:38
he didn’t really text for nine days
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and then nine days later sent a text
00:43
saying hey
00:44
um sorry not playing games just
00:47
really busy right now at that point she
00:49
said to me
00:50
matthew what do i do you know i’ve
00:53
is this a sign that he really doesn’t
00:55
like me is it just an excuse
00:57
or is it real and i should keep pursuing
01:00
this person
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here are three principles i’m going to
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start you on and if you’ve got a pen and
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paper right now i want you to write
01:05
these down
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by the way i have something big to share
01:08
with you at the end of this video so do
01:09
not go anywhere
01:10
number one temper your enthusiasm
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so often we create this ideal picture of
01:16
someone in the beginning and we never
01:17
update it
01:18
if you learn new information he’s not
01:20
very good at bantering with you between
01:21
dates and that’s important to you
01:23
he doesn’t message me for days on end
01:25
and when he does he doesn’t ask me on
01:26
another date he just apologizes for not
01:28
being around
01:30
update your perception of this situation
01:33
and this person
01:34
or at the very least your perception of
01:36
how right this person is for you
01:38
and that brings us on to the second
01:39
point which is understand your needs
01:42
know your self if you know that you
01:45
value that initial
01:46
excitement and that fun and that romance
01:49
and this person
01:50
isn’t delivering on that then be honest
01:52
with yourself about the fact that this
01:54
situation
01:54
isn’t really meeting your needs of
01:57
your dating life of what you really want
02:00
so again doesn’t mean this person is a
02:02
write-off but it does mean
02:04
you should temper your enthusiasm about
02:06
this person
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and lastly speak up if you don’t like
02:10
something
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if you want it to be different if you
02:12
want to just express that in order for
02:14
me to continue to invest
02:15
i need it to be different then speak up
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about what it is you want or what you’re
02:20
not happy with
02:21
you could send a message to someone who
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messages you after three weeks saying
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hey let’s hang out
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and you’re in inside you’re like where
02:27
the [ __ ] have you been for the last
02:28
three weeks
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you could send someone a message and
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just say lol you were supposed to send
02:32
me this message two weeks ago
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that’s having a little jab at them in a
02:35
playful way but it also expresses your
02:38
standard expressing your standard
02:40
doesn’t have to come in any aggressive
02:41
form or any passive aggressive form even
02:44
it could just come in the form of pla
02:46
making fun
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teasing someone a little bit of humor
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goes a long way in these situations
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especially early on when your standard
02:53
shouldn’t become an expectation
02:54
the difference between standards and
02:56
expectations is a standard is about me
02:58
an expectation is about you
03:00
we want to be wary of expectations in
03:02
early stage dating instead
03:04
have standards standards mean if you’re
03:06
not giving me what i need
03:07
i’m going to modify my investment my
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energy my excitement
03:11
in this situation accordingly and when i
03:14
speak up about that
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it doesn’t make you feel like a bad
03:17
person for not doing something but it
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does make you realize
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the stakes of you not doing something
03:23
are potentially
03:24
allowing me to drift until i’m no longer
03:26
there now they start to respect you not
03:29
as someone who they’re afraid of because
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they’re afraid you’re going to bite
03:32
their head off but respect you as
03:34
someone who knows what she
03:35
wants these three principles will serve
03:38
you in any stage of dating
03:40
but especially if you find yourself
03:42
weighing up how right someone is in the
03:44
early stages
03:45
and if not over investing physically
03:49
over investing emotionally by thinking
03:52
too much about someone
03:53
who hasn’t earned it yet
03:56
a few weeks ago we did our first ever
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live
04:00
virtual matthew hussey retreat
04:04
huge success the feedback was amazing so
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much so
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that we’re doing it again in march if
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you missed the magic of the first one
04:13
and you want to transform not just your
04:15
love life if you’re this isn’t a dating
04:17
retreat this is about your life
04:19
then come to this one do not miss the
04:21
opportunity again because we’re going to
04:22
be looking at
04:23
your health your sense of purpose in
04:25
your life your motivation in general
04:27
your ability to wake up and stick to
04:29
your habits and keep moving forward
04:31
i’m really going to be downloading the
04:34
philosophies that i’ve accumulated about
04:36
life over the last 14 years of coaching
04:39
people in every aspect of their lives
04:41
into three powerful immersive days
04:45
that by the end of it you’re not going
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to be thinking in terms of
04:49
i need a guy or what’s going to happen
04:51
with this person i’m with anymore
04:52
your purpose your mission and your
04:55
confidence are going to transcend
04:56
all of that and you’re going to feel
04:58
awesome no matter where you are in your
05:00
love life right now i can’t wait for you
05:01
to see this
05:02
do not miss it again in march i’m going
05:03
to leave a link here come there
05:05
book an appointment with one of my
05:06
retreat specialists ask any question you
05:08
want about the program
05:09
but do not miss this opportunity and
05:11
i’ll see you next time
05:25
[Music]
05:32
you
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video
The post 3 Ways To Make Sure He Meets Your Needs [Video] appeared first on The Good Men Project.
